National Day!!!

2day was simply national day...'everyone noe bout it'
it's was nothing special...also a boring day wif my comp...
lol..even though onlining but cannot figure out wat to do...
it was raining in d evening but my mum stil call me out to shopping...
buy a bag and some clothes...
Really bored!bored!bored!

Wish my friends can all pass their exams in tis future week...

I'm in KL again...

2day i went to KL wif two of my friends...

well...they are Kok tung n jason...

it was boring throughout d whole journey...

but luckily i hav bring along movie wif me...

i was looking forward to receive any messanges from her again..

not sure wat is tat kind of feeling but it keep following me since tat day...

finally at around nite...she forward a message to me...

i'm start to questioning myself again whether i should reply it anot...

or whether i should juz left it alone...

finali i reply her...

but it was areadi late in d night...

i thought she may b slep adi as she didn't reply me...

dun noe y there's still sum kind of dissapointment inside my heart...

2008年8月16日 星期日

2day i went out wif maggie during daytime...

we went to pc fair...

although i have been there yesterday adi...but i stil acc her and her friends go there again...

but there was nothing tat i wanna buy as i oreadi buy all d tings i nid...

well..we also hav a walk at jusco n hav a coffee at black canyon...

then late in the afternoon i go out wif yanyee...

we go for a movie...

although i oreadi c it few days ago but i still acc her to c it again...

thn we go for a coffee at starbuck...

we both hav a little chat and after that v go out hang till 12am in d midnight...

2008年8月14日 星期五

It was another day wif my friends…after whole night of awaken but I stil hav no sign of dizzy…
stil veli ‘energetic’---perhaps…
2day I watch 2movie wif my friends…
one of it is “District 9” n the another one is “GI Joe”
we watch till late in the midnight n went back home about 1:30…they all hav fall asleep left me d only one who is stil awaken…
I knew I canot slep again…
maybe it had become a way for me to reduce some pain inside my heart if I keep awaken…But I stil suffer from pain deep inside me…
Missing u a lot but didn’t hav d courage to ask anyting from u again..

2009年8月 13日 星期四

It was windy 2day…I’m goin to accompany my friends too 2day…
they juz eat eat eat and play all d day..
but I’m quite moody act even though they are wif me throughout d whole day…
I’ve been tinking bout her again…
haiz…it’s reali not easy to let go for a person lik me..
I could not fall asleep again 2day…
it had been the X’th day I could not fall asleep…
although I hav drink some beer thought tat it will drove to dizzy but act I realized it had no use on me…
it was bout 2:30 in the morning…
I stil canot fall asleep n planning to go out to find something to eat but almost all of d food stall had been closed…
it’s reali a silent night 2day…
the road is death silent…
there was almost no car on the road…
there was almost no person walking on the street…
the street I passed thru hav veli little light shone on it…
But…who cares…it was me d only one who is travelling on the road now…
Silent but no peace inside my heart…
it was already 5:00 in the morning..

2009年8月12日 星期二

2day my friends from KL n Terengganu came to visit me…
act it was d happiest day tat I went throughout d whole holiday…
but out of a sudden she sent a short message to me asking how am I throughout these days…
I’ve been tinking bout this question for a dozen of times inside my brain…
‘Am I goin to tell d truth or juz simply lie her tat I’m not doin as gud as she can imagine’
of courz I’m telling d lie at the end…
Although my heart is struggling to reveal d truth but it’s better to keep d truth away from her…
at least she won’t questioning more bout it again…
Anyting that end won’t come back anymore…
Although I’m struggling to let her know tat I stil in love wif her but…
it’s better to keep it a secret from her…
at least she will b more hapi to hear d lie more than d truth…
these is d first and d only time tat I’m going to lie to her…
I tink I won’t have any of these chances anymore…
hope she will owis b hapi…

5th day without her...

2day i hang out wif a group of my friend...

although it is quite relaxing but my mind still canot calm down..

whenever i m alone, i owis tink about her again n again...

anyting tat r related to her tat come out from my mind making me feel uncomfortable...

it's a kind of feeling tat hardly could b explained...

*sigh*

Anyway being wif my friends chee khin, dick mun, ah hoong n also their friends makes my day 2day feel much more better..

I could hardly breath...

I feel that my heart is beating painfully...

Deep in my heart i feel tat stop breathing is d onli way to stop all the pain...

Wat actually is human's heart made of???

I've been questioning myself once again...

2nd day without her...

2day is d 2nd day without d presence of her...

i couldn't fall asleep again for d second day...

same things happen when i try to slep...i juz keep on awaking till d sun rose from the darkness...

time goes by veli slowly...

seconds passed away juz lik minutes;

minutes passed away juz lik hours;

hours passed away juz lik days...

07/08...these date was suppose to b a memorable day for both of us..

but it had now turned out to b a day tat left me d onli one who is awaiting for d day to come onli..

Till now i also spending moz of the time of d day tinking of her...

whenever i pass her home i will owis looked into her house hooping to c her...

whenever i pass d place tat i visited wif her i owis will tink bout our memories whether it's a hapi one or unhappy one...

flashback between both of us being screening in my brain from dawn to dusk n from dusk to dawn...

This is d 2nd day without receiving any news from her...

1st day without her in my life,,,

2day i didn't sleep...

for d whole night i juz sit at there non stop tinking bout all her tings...

maybe it's normal to b lik tat...

after gone thru so much tings it's reali hard for me to Forget her...

it's reali pain deeply inside my heart...

I sat there quietly until d other day's morning...

Until d sound of the drippingof the rain finali distract my attention...

I tink d sky also noe wat is happening n been crying for me...

the rain is much alike my tears tat dripping down whole night...

i never noe tat it's would b so sad whenever i tink bout it agian...

perhaps it's much alike a wound tat wun stop bleeding...

2day i also meet up wif one of my gud friend...

he giv me alot of advice and had acc me throughout d days...

i reali nid to thank him for his caring towards me...

but i tink onli me myself would provide an solution for all d stuff i tink...

anyway another friend of mine also giv plenty of time listen to wat i say...

i also nid to thank her veli much...

While havin a ride bck home...

I feel veli lonely...

Without the presence of her beside me i feel veli empty...

it's lik the smiling face of her had disappear from my sight...

it's lik the sound of her happiness hav disappear from my ear...

it's lik the normal noisy of me suddenly become veli quiet...

it's lik the one who is guiding me on every journey had suddenly disappear from me...

its lik i hav been goin thru a large changes tat i couldn't accept...

i hav been trying hardly to say to myself maybe a little time would b needed for me to accept these...

but the truth is i canot cheat myself from covering all my pain...

i feel truely useless...

but somehow she would never noe wat's i feel...

tears covering my face once again...

Giving up will be the onli path...

这几天我不安的心情终于得到了答案。。
虽然这个答案是非常的痛。。。。非常的伤吧。。。
可我又有什么能做呢？？？
只能默默地接受吧。。。
我没有尝试过吗？？我没有努力过吗？？？
我有啊。。。可都没有办法了啊。。。
今天她不舒服。。。没有去上学在家睡了一整天。。。
可她到了傍晚才告诉我。。。
我很想打给她问她什么事。。。
可他都没有接我的电话。。。一句冷冷的我不想谈就敷衍了事了。。。
这我不怪她。。。可能她真的很累吧。。。
信息内容也完全是冷冷的。。。
就仿佛是一个陌生的朋友在谈天似的。。。
她再次去睡了。。。可能是不舒服吧。。。
我也累了。。。醒来那一刻我问了她一个问题。。。
那个问题也许有点无聊吧。。。可却能给我一个预知的答案。。。
我问她：“你不是很喜欢见到我了吧？”
心想希望她的答案不会是我想的吧。。
结果答案却真的是我怕的。。。一句冷冷的是吧，不要见太多意味着不详的预感。。。
一个答案接着另一个问题。。。
既然有了心理准备我就问她你还爱我吗？
。。。
答案是不是很爱了。。。最后她就结束这段感情了。。。
虽然已经有预料到了可是心中还是有莫大的悲伤。。
为什么？？一直是我心中的疑问。。。
她说很累。。。很辛苦。。。
一句对不起接着另一句对不起。。。
难道对不起就是万能吗？
她觉得我很陌生距离很远。。。
她觉得自己不够了解我。。。
她觉得累了。。。
什么东西都是她一个人觉得吗。。。
她要我讨厌她。。。可我做得到吗？？
我有试过挽留啊。。。可是一切都没用。。。
她的决定是那么的坚决。。。
那么的无情。。。
那么的冷漠。。。
那么的。。。痛。。。
这次是我第一次带着眼泪写着一个部落格。。。
我很伤心。。。很无助。。。很想得到她的安慰。。。
可是她会吗???
再也不会了。。。
她离开了。。。留下的只是冷冷的背影与冷冷的言语。。。

爱，是什么呢？？
可能就像一堆泥沙吧。。。
你把它握在拳头里握的越紧就越容易在手指与手指之间的缝隙中流失吧。。。
就算你把它放进瓶子内你又能保证它一点都不会流失吗？？
悲离的伤痛也许有很多人也懂吧。。。
这时候也许最适当的一首歌中的歌词是。。
Goodbye my love我的爱人再见。。。
泪，不停得涌出。。。

p/s:thank you all my friends for all their caring towards me...especially my Jie, eQing, yan yee,maggie n mei yee...both u four hav giving me a great support...thank you...thank you...i wun 4get these...

Tired...tired of trying...

Today was nothing different from usual...

I fetch her to her tuition...before i meet her i wait her in front of her skul gate...

minutes and minutes goes by i hav been wondering myself wat would b her reaction...

when she saw me she didn't hav any reaction...not even a word say to me...

i hav been asking myself is it my fault???hav i done anything wrong???

I noe tat time are needed for her to digest watever happen...

but i'm reali tired of trying...

i'm tired at wat her action on me...

i'm tired of questioning myself anymore...

i'm tired of pretending lik nothing is happening...

i'm veli veli tired keeping all the things in my head...

i hope tat sumone would reali lend me a hand...

i want help!

i need help!

I hope tat all the things happen on me could end soon...

Confusing...headache...suffer in pain...

I'm looking forward to see wat are her decision...

No matter wat are ur decision i always Love u...

BUT ur answer are still an unknown???

My Brain Canot Occupied So Much Ting...

As time goes by, i reali tink tat our relationship can withstand...

but lately i feel tat u began to change...

i didn't noe tat u mean by tat or juz simply playing a fool on me...

i noe tat i was a little bit of over caring bout u n i also noe tat u juz dislike ppl go against ur order n dislike other to 'distract' or by simply mean to change u...

Although a simply word of 'sorry' could not bring much meaning towards u..

but there are nothing i can do anymore...

every words i say u juz keep annoying it, juz leaving me a few words simply trying to cease me from continue my questioning...

Anyway, i feel very very tired...

somehow i reali can't figured out wat u are tinking n i canot STOP questioning myself am i reali love u tat much...until i canot stop tinking of u all the time n canot sleep well n eat well without u...

Today was simply one of the worst day i hav ever gone thru throughout my whole holiday..

i never thought that a simply action or a simply word could ruin off my mood for the entire day...but luckily i phoned my JieJie n got some advise from her...i reali never tink tat my JieJie is so experienced on LOVE experience...perhaps i should learn more from her...well, a phone call to my JieJie makes me figured out tat i canot give up so easily...

There are still long way to go with YOU...i hope tat i can reali solve all the problem...plz STOP running away from question...it's juz dragging me more tired n more tired...

I'hv been trying to listen more to u

But u seem starting to keep a distance away

Somehow...i noe tat i reali love u n i noe i

should put more trust on u...

I LOVE YOU...